Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
