You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
