meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
