we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
