Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
