What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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