im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you will always have a special place in my vag
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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