If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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