This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
