My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we made out on top of his cat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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