Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
