my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
