if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
