Screwed.edu
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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