Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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