Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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