I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
