I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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