Don't make out with my wife yet
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
