McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
