tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
