Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
