first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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