Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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