We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
