I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
