She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
