If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
