i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
