The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
