I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
