I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
