remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Shame is for Republicans.
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