i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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