In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
