I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
