I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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