I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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