Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
