There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
