is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
