he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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