You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
