The maid of honor just puked.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
