so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
