he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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