Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
