you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
