Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
