Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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