I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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