Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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