I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
