Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.