i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
