Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
