We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
