he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
