I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
