Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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