The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
