toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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