I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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