Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
