Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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