I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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