I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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