We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tonight lets celebrate not being married
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
