did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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