so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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