I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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