The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
