I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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