im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
