We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
