you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
