I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
