oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
