if only i could text you this smell
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
