I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
