please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
