The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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