I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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