Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
