I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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